The Special Needs Sibling

I can still remember the first reactions I had just hours after Christian was born. After being told my son would never make it, my first thought was what am I gonna tell Graci! She was only 7 weeks away from her 3rd birthday and was so anxious and excited to meet her baby brother. How would I explain to her that he might not ever come home? Then when Christian was 3 days old and had stabilized, Ben and I were told that Christian may end up severely disabled or mentally disabled. My first thought then was, what have we done to Graci?! Why would God do this to us? What did our children ever do to deserve all this? How would I ever raise a special needs child and make sure that my other child feels just as special and not neglected?

The past three years have been a roller coaster ride to say the least for our family dealing with the constant changes, worry and just the uncertainty of how things would turn out for Christian. Spending five weeks in the hospital, in the first six weeks of his life, endless doctor appointments, testing/evaluations,  four types of therapy, diagnosing, and trying to make our life "normal" and making sure Graci never felt neglected through all this. Ben and I knew that if Christian got a lot of special time, Graci would have to get a lot of special time as well. We always let her go to the Doctor appointments we knew we would be in and out of (if she volunteered to go) she attended therapy sessions (about 95% of them) and she always helped me out with him whenever she could. This was just so she could be involved and try to help her understand better of what was going on even though we always tried to explain things to her. For her time, we have taken her to Wild Life Museum, Dinosaur World, Mammoth Cave, Chuck E Cheese (numerous times), fishing trips, four wheeler riding, swimming, etc. I take her shopping, we make days to have our nails and hair done, go see a movie, go for ice cream, and my favorite go for walks. I try to find something special to do with her at least once a month.

However no matter how much I do for either one of my kids it sometimes never feels enough. Then today Graci did something unexpected that has made me think differently, at least half way anyway.

A note was sent home yesterday that today Graci's class would attend the book fair at her school. She told me last night that she was gonna buy Christian a sponge bob baseball book that she knew he would love. She never once told me what she was wanting to get. So I put her money in her bag this morning and sent them to school not thinking anymore about it. I get home this morning and see the book fair booklet with all the books listed and saw everything she had circled (that she wanted) and knew she would not have enough to get it all but didn't think anymore about it once again. Then this afternoon I picked them up from school and as soon as they got into the car, Graci hands her brother his book she got him. I ask her, "Did you have enough money to get everything you wanted?" Graci replies, "no, you only gave me ten dollars and I didn't have enough money. So I got Bubby his book and I got me one too."  To think that Ben and I never asked her to get her brother anything. And to think she is only 6 years old and went to school with her own money and could buy whatever she wanted with it and selflessly bought her brother something, even though she knew she wouldn't be able to get something else she wanted made me feel like I was doing something right as a mother.

All I have ever wanted for my kids was for them to both know they are special to their dad and I (in their own way) and for them to know they are loved equally by us.  I am so proud of both of my children! I am proud of Christian for overcoming all he has been through and I am most certainly proud of Graci for treating her brother equally today even though she was never asked to share her money.

 

It is funny to think now that I once thought I could of ever ruined Graci's life by having Christian in our lives. We may not have always known what the outcome to each situation was/is going to be but, God knew Christian wouldn't ruin Graci's life just like He knew Graci would better Christian's!  God always knows what he is doing even if we don't always know.