It'll be alright again!

It is 11:30 in the afternoon. I have taken the kids to school, cleaned my mother's house, ran a mile on the treadmill and came home and cleaned my house. The house is quiet...I don't have Graci bouncing up and down wanting to do some sort of project and I don't have to come up with a list of things to do for the day for Christian's "table time" and "play time." I hear nothing but the dryer running as everything sets neatly in its place. I once dreamt of having days to myself without the noise and chaos of two small kids running around messing up things as I cleaned the house or begged for me to play with them throughout the day. I have been in denial realizing that my kids are growing up. They have went from being with me all day in their sheltered home to venturing out into a life of their own. I have spent the last 30 minutes crying because they won't be at home with me all the time anymore and so many changes are taking place.

I couldn't wait for all the therapy Christian received at home come to an end. The endless weeks of having three types of therapy with three different therapists and having to stress out making sure all of Christian's work got done everyday got old. When Graci started school it made his activities so much harder. She kept him motivated and could always make things fun for him. The last two months he had therapy at home, I was literally counting down the weeks till it ended. It was a challenge to get him to participate in anything, I was ready for him to try something new. Hoping it would get him motivated again. Now that he is in school I am sad. I am not there to see what goes on for myself everyday. I know me not being there is probably better this way, because I won't always be able to be with him as he continues to grow up. But it is still hard to let go.....

I know my babies haven't let me forever. However, it is a the first step towards their independence. Knowing they will come back home and they haven't completely left me. But unless it is a Holiday or being out on break, things will never be the same. This may of went easier for me if two weeks after Graci's first day of Kindergarten I didn't start the transitioning process of Christian going to preschool in December.  But Graci had to go and Christian needed to go...and that is just the way it is whether I like it or not.

Now comes the challenging part of having my own independence and figuring out what I am going to do when my kids are at school. I can't be a stay at home mom if my kids aren't home. My husband and I love our kids, but we do not want anymore! There are a hundred reasons why! We are making sure that more don't happen. We have two beautiful HEALTHY children and we DO NOT want to push our luck and don't want to put more stress on ourselves then we have too.  I know things will work out the way they are meant to, it is just going to take some time to get adjusted and things figured out.

I guess a positive to this whole thing is when they are here I don't care if something in the house is not in its place, if something has been spilt in the floor, if I have to get up to get something for one of the kids (when I have just set down) or if Christian is whining because he simply wants to be held and I am busy doing something. I seem to have a lot more patience then I did and drop what I am doing to tend to them or calmly clean up a mess and laugh about it. For I know it will be calm and quiet again....

Thanks for listening to me vent, it is much better than crying and getting a headache! lol